How to Control Your Perfectionism Anxiety

Posted on Dec 28, 2022

tl;dr: Rein in your perfectionism anxiety your way.

Updated 14 December 2023.

Introduction

I have perfectionism anxiety

Perfectionism Anxiety (PA) is like a steel ball chained to my ankle, preventing me from going where I want.

I hesitate when I’m about to draw or write.

I’d sit and think of things that might go wrong, if my writing or drawing is perfect enough, or what people would think of the results.

My worry and hesitation would continue for hours, days, weeks, and months.

My perfectionism anxiety now

But these days, my PA isn’t holding me back.

How?

I control my PA. I unlocked the restraint, and it wasn’t easy.

I had to push myself to write or draw.

I got tired of my unease, and I concerned myself with regret. I didn’t want to face regret at the hour of my death.

I don’t want to regret not trying to put aside my PA and draw and write.

So, I chose to get off my ass, hold PA by its neck and write and draw! 💪🏼

I read all I could about PA.

Below are easy-to-understand definitions from the American Psychological Association (APA) Dictionary of Psychology for anxiety and perfectionism.

Definitions of anxiety and perfectionism

Anxiety: “n. an emotion characterized by apprehension and somatic symptoms of tension in which an individual anticipates impending danger, catastrophe, or misfortune. The body often mobilizes itself to meet the perceived threat: Muscles become tense, breathing is faster, and the heart beats more rapidly. Anxiety may be distinguished from fear both conceptually and physiologically, although the two terms are often used interchangeably. Anxiety is considered a future-oriented, long-acting response broadly focused on a diffuse threat, whereas fear is an appropriate, present-oriented, and short-lived response to a clearly identifiable and specific threat. —anxious adj.”

Perfectionism: “n. the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation. It is associated with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health problems. —perfectionist adj., n.”

Experiencing PA

I understand that a person with perfectionism anxiety can experience it differently.

I’m the only person I know who has PA, and I don’t know if anyone in my family does. I didn’t ask, and no one in my family freely talks about personal psychological issues, but we talk about other people’s psychological issues.

I learned from my grandparents (World War 2 survivors) and my parents that it’s better to address personal psychological issues ourselves than pay someone to help us handle those issues.

Self-addressing personal psychological issues is a private affair; it’s cost-effective, I positively control my life and mental health, and I understand and accept myself better.

My grandparents were, and my parents are emotionally and mentally strong people, and I’m the same too. 💪🏼👍🏼🙏🏼

Fortunately, I read a lot, and this is how I discovered that I have perfectionism anxiety, and I understand it better.

So, anxiety is when you’re feeling worrisome. It’s like feeling scared that something might happen, but you don’t know what that something is.

Sometimes, anxiety can be so intense that it can make it hard to do things you want.

Perfectionism is when you set high standards for yourself and feel you must be perfect in everything you do.

You often feel like you can’t make mistakes, and you might be very critical of yourself if you do.

Why is perfectionism linked with anxiety?

Perfectionism can lead to anxiety.

I can get obsessed with working on my content, so it’s the best illustration or post, but what if it could be better?

What if others think my art sucks or my writing sucks?

The more I think, the more I worry and become anxious.

☝🏼

Self-controlling PA is possible

I’m aware that I’m prone to perfectionism.

And that’s a step forward: self-awareness.

The way to self-awareness is through introspection, which means “an examination of one’s thoughts or feelings”.

My friend…care for your psyche…know thyself, for once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves.

― Socrates

I control my PA better now because I understand and know myself better.

I’m not an expert in human psychology and don’t have post-nominals after my last name. 🥱

I’m just an expert at controlling my PA.

And you can be an expert on your issue, too. Do you believe you can control yours?

☝🏼

Figure out why

I needed to figure out why I was experiencing PA.

I didn’t want to bother my close friends with my issues, and PA was something other than what I could share with my family since we don’t discuss these things.

The cool thing about having close friends is that they magically and keenly know your shit, and they’re compassionate and helpful. They help soften your problems with lots of humor and blunt advice, like stop taking yourself too seriously and worrying about what others think.

Healthy striving is self-focused: “How can I improve?”
Perfectionism is other-focused: “What will they think?”

― Brené Brown

☝🏼

Write it down

When my PA would come on, I’d write my thoughts and feelings so I could see them.

Writing helps my mind and heart feel lighter. Transferring my thoughts and feelings to a page lifts their weight off me. Writing in my journal is helpful for introspection.

Write on pad paper, notebook, iPhone, Android, iPad, or tablet.
Write in preinstalled apps like Notes, available on iPhone and iPad, or Google Keep, available on Android phones.

What if you don’t write and prefer saying your thoughts and feelings?

Record on the preinstalled Voice Memos app available on iPhone and iPad or Smart Recorder on Android phones.
Contact someone you trust: a family member, a close friend, or a mental health professional.

Perfectionism Chair

☝🏼

Perfectionism anxiety lingers

It’s unrealistic to believe that PA will disappear for good after you’ve recognized and learned to control it.

PA hovers in the background and unsuspectingly creeps up, and controlling obtrusive PA takes work, so it’s best to practice introspection.

☝🏼

A quick perfectionism anxiety backstory

I became interested in creating art while I was in grade school. My mom enrolled me in summer art classes. For years, I practiced with graphite and colored pencils, pen and ink, charcoal, pastel, oil, and watercolor paints.

Then, I put creating art aside and pursued other interests.

PA re-introduced itself to me when I became serious about practicing drawing in 2018 and posting my art on Instagram (IG).

While posting my art, I felt my completed drawing was imperfect, and my art must be good enough to post, and I mustn’t show my mistakes and line erasures.

IG artists with over 100 posts and over 5K followers posted incredible creations. Their art would show over 500 likes and many positive comments. Their pieces made me wish to create beautiful art like theirs and compare myself to them.

I had hoped that I would only measure up to those artists. I worried that people would think my art sucked. I imagined stories where I’d read comments saying my art sucked. I had moments where I was too anxious to create and post on IG.

☝🏼

After a while, perfectionism anxiety controlling me gets boring

I pondered why and if I was the only one experiencing PA.

I soon learned that other artists also experienced what I was experiencing.

I felt good knowing I wasn’t the only one.

Those artists also thought they needed to be more confident about their artistic abilities.

They felt their art was not good enough to share, feared they wouldn’t measure up to other artists with X number of posts, followers, and likes, and worried that people on their social media platforms would think their art sucked.

They, too, were too anxious to create and post.

I grew tired of feeling my creations were imperfect, comparing myself to other artists, worrying about what others thought of me, and feeling anxious that I wasn’t good enough.

I got tired of PA controlling me, and I thought I didn’t want to face the regret of not trying to put aside my PA and draw and write at the hour of my death.

So you can self-handle your PA, and I’ve listed five reasons below.

☝🏼

5 reasons you can handle your perfectionism anxiety

You decide whether you have PA control you or you control it.
Do you want to feel calmer, happier, lighter, and consistently create content? Then, control it.
You’re your best friend.
Take care of yourself. You’re the most trustworthy best friend you’ve got. Imperfection is okay. Don’t undervalue it.
Practice kindness to yourself. Self-kindness is good medicine and a powerful remedy for PA.
When you feel like PA won’t leave, steady yourself.
Breathe.
Go for a walk.
Talk to someone.
It’s okay to feel PA’s presence. Acknowledge by writing or talking about your thoughts and feelings.
Know that you are not alone because other people worldwide are also experiencing PA.
You can control your thoughts, choices, and behavior toward PA.
But you can’t control how others see, think, and feel about you and what you do.

☝🏼